BAGONG DIKSYUNARI: bOkaBolAri part 2

There is another reason to kill time aside from playing cards and drinking all night. Scanning emails is fun when you are really at it. There were so many of them and so many of them are worth remembering. I, again, found another set of funny definition of terms. This time it's all about general positions and designations. Have fun.

ANG BAGONG DIKSYONARYO:
Mga Bagong Katungkulan (Translated Job Titles)


Nakalista sa baba ay mga titulo ng mga posisyon sa English at ang bagong
nababagay na bansag sa kanila sa wikang Pilipino:

President - Pasimuno

Vice President - Kunsintidor

Secretary - Palsipikador

Treasurer - Kubrador

Auditor - Kasabwat

Business Manager - Gastador

Public Relations Officer - Tsismoso

Sergeant-at-Arms - Pasaway

Representative - Pahamak

Observer - Usisero

Advocate - Taga-batikos

Spokesman - Bolero

Moderator - Taga-bulabog

Announcer - Manggugulat

Monitor - Taga-silip

Inspector - Taga-lapirot

Investigator - Mangangalkal

Enforcer - Tirador

Jail Warden - Sadista

Prosecutor - Tagapaglait

Judge - Pilato o Tagahugas-kamay

Aide - Taga-istorbo

Assistant - Galamay

Adviser - Sulsol

Consultant - Manggagancho

Contractor - Estapador

Expert - Punong-Yabang

Technical Writer - Manlilinlang

Spin Doctor - Taga-himas

Headhunter - Taga-silat

Headshrinker - Basagulero

Director - Taga-udyok

Manager - Taga-silip ng stock sa stock market

Boss - Busabos

Supervisor - Taga-salo ng galit ng Boss

Chief Accountant - Punong-Gahaman

Sales Vendor - Pirata

Collector - Mangingikil

Custodian - Taga-ligpit

Dispatcher - Taga-dispatsa

Distributor - Taga-kalat

Delivery Man - Taga-iwan ng Gamit

Circulation Head - Taga-bilog ng Ulo

Purchaser - Palengkera

Receptionist - Palikera

Clerk Typist - Taga-parami ng Papel

Messenger - Tagatulak ng Papel

Janitor - Taga-limas

Plumber - Taga-tagas

Repairman - Mambubutingting

Gardener - Damuho

Utility Man - Inutil

Watchman - Istambay

Security Guard - Bantay-Salakay

Doorman - Nagpapalusot

Driver - Kaskasero

Chance Passenger - Malas na Nakikiangkas

Comedian - Alaskador

Entertainer - Kerengkeng

TECHNICAL SUPPORT

I came across an old email which will give some smiles to some computer buffs. I just modified some contents so the Pinoys can relate. Here it goes:


Subject: Troubled user

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other systems activity. Applications such as Poker night 10.3, Beer 2.5, Basketball 5.0, Chatting 7.5 and Texting 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User


REPLY:


Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking it is just a Utility and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application"Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NAG 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

Warning!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.


Best of luck,
Tech Support

How to say farewell to pictures

Fine fine fine